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Video Feedback
In the job hunting game there is one effective technique that trainers use to help job seekers improve their interview skills.
A mock job interview scenario is set up between the prospective employee and a person acting as the employer. The whole process is videotaped and then played back to the job seeker for critiquing. Improving body language during the interview process is the main aim of this exercise.
The same technique can be applied to the dating scene. In this modern digital age, many people possess a digital camcorder, or a digital still camera that has video capabilities. Set up some mock scenarios amongst your friends. Be sure to have a balanced mixture of males and females in the group. Capture some brief footage of a guy and girl role-playing a scenario where they are meeting for the first time. Play the footage back and everyone can offer their opinions on what was good about the scenario, and areas where body language can be improved upon.
Although this won’t be as accurate as a real life scenario where the guy and girl genuinely don’t know each other, it will help to point out some obvious flaws in one’s body language. And it will be fun in the process.

Seek Feedback
When out and about, have your friends observe your interaction with others. They can watch from a distance as you chat up that girl, or how you respond to that guy, and let you know how you did.
Feedback from those not directly involved in the scenario can be the greatest source of useful information regarding your strengths, and the areas that might need some work.
Never be so sensitive as to shy away from constructive criticism and feedback. It is essential for personal growth, improvement and learning.

The above article is an excerpt from the author’s book “Dating and Mating: Reading the Body Language Signals” by Darren G. Burton. To view or purchase a copy, visit:
http://www.amazon.com/dp/140926498X

      A lack of eye contact can be associated with a number of things:

§         Disinterest in the person or conversation

§         Thoughts wandering

§         Not listening or paying attention

§         Shyness

§         Lack of confidence

§         Dishonesty and deceitfulness

§         Anxiety

      None of the above possibilities are what you want to be conveying to a potential partner. They are all negative and have no real value in the dating game other than to thwart the efforts of someone you have no interest in.

      Too much eye contact can also tell a person a few disconcerting things:

§         Intense personality

§         Overly fixated

§         Possible psychotic tendencies

§         Over-keen

§         Desperate

      Eye contact that is overdone in the negative sense will only serve to make your potential partner feel very uneasy and uncomfortable in your presence.

      Positive eye contact starts off very casual in the early stages of communication between a guy and a girl. As each partner is speaking, eye contact is maintained intermittently. Glancing briefly away then making eye contact again on a regular basis lets the other person know that you are interested and paying attention, without them feeling like they are being locked with an intense stare. As things progress and the two of you are getting along famously, then more extended periods of eye contact are not only acceptable, but can make a person feel extra special and even be a turn on.

The above article is an excerpt from the author’s book “Dating and Mating: Reading the Body Language Signals” by Darren G. Burton. To view or purchase a copy, visit:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/140926498X

Falling out of love is not the end of the world, no matter how much it feels like it at the time. Going through a break up can be a very confusing, painful and traumatic experience.

      But there is hope.

      There is life after love.

Get Those Feelings Under Control

In the last chapter we covered a number of points in dealing with grief and its processes.

      To start a fresh life after a break up, and to have a positive outlook on the future, everything discussed in the previous chapter really needs to be diligently worked on. If necessary, re-read the last section on a regular basis to remind yourself of some of the things you can do to get those feelings under control.

Learn From Mistakes

Once your feelings are more manageable and you are getting past the grieving stage, it is now a good time to ponder what went wrong in the relationship, and what you yourself could do better next time.

      This isn’t suggesting to beat yourself up over anything. It’s about learning from past mistakes so they won’t be repeated in the future.

      No matter how good you are, or think you are, none of us is infallible. We all make mistakes and it is important to pinpoint those errors so that they can be eradicated or avoided.

      Make a list of what you believe were problems or issues in your last relationship. Decide if there are any areas that you may need to adjust, and then make a conscious effort to work positively on those areas.

Don’t Look Back

You have fought your way through the grieving process and emerged back into the light on the other side. Your emotions are more under control. You feel half human again. You’ve analyzed what went wrong and are working on improving anything that you have some control over in your own life.

      It’s important now not to look back. You’ve been through the hardest part. You are getting over your ex and that relationship is gradually starting to fade from view.

      Don’t let your thoughts return to dwell on anything negative (or even positive in some cases) from that relationship. It’s over. It’s done. It will serve no useful or beneficial purpose to rehash it from this point forward.

      Now is the time to be looking forward.

Starting Over

You are just beginning the journey on a new life. You are back in control, the creator of your own destiny. The world is out there waiting for you.

      So is new love, if you want it.

      But before you take that next step, it is important to prepare yourself first so that you can tackle new opportunities with an air of fresh confidence.

The above article is an excerpt from the author’s book “When It’s Over: How To Mend That Broken Heart” by Darren G. Burton. To view or purchase a copy, visit:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/1409214761/

The dreaded and paralyzing world of limbo land.

      Being trapped in this unenviable place opens a person up to a whole new world of potential pain and emotional damage. Not to mention leaving one with an inability to get on with their lives and move forward.

      No matter how long you were with your partner, no matter how much you love them, no matter how much they promise you that the two of you will get back together some day, limbo land is not a place you want to allow yourself to wander.

      If your ex-partner truly wanted to be with you, then they would never have broken it off in the first place. Sure, maybe they could have made a mistake and want you back; but it’s not likely. Anyway, how long are you prepared to wait around to find this out? How much of your valuable time and life do you want to waste being stuck in a realm of emptiness and further confusion?

      Believe me, limbo land is a very frustrating place. I’ve been there. Don’t make the error of falling into this trap just because it feels too hard to let go.

      Often it’s a case of the other partner wishing to keep their options open. They want to see who else they can find, and if that doesn’t work out, they know they will have you there waiting to fall back on. Comforting for them, not so comforting for you.

      Do you really want to be that person? Second, third, tenth choice? No, you don’t. You deserve far better than that.

      If you find yourself falling into this trap, if your ex is keeping you hooked in with false promises of hope, get out of limbo land as fast as you can. Ignore the feelings that will fight and struggle against your decision.

      You have to get out of that scenario. It’s soul destroying.

The above article is an excerpt from the author’s book “When It’s Over: How To Mend That Broken Heart” by Darren G. Burton. To view or purchase a copy, visit:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/1409214761/

Most of us tend to have a few very close friends, and a wider group of friends that we associate with and socialize with to a lesser extent.

      Of those friends who are closest to you, are they positive people? Do they offer you support and quality feedback? Are they currently involved in relationships? And if so, are they happy in their relationships? If a friend (or friends) is single, do they discourage you from finding a partner because they are single, or do they support you?

      Our friends, particularly our closest ones, can have a huge impact and influence on us, whether we are conscious of it or not. We are also often judged by the company we keep.

      Guilt by association is a stigma that we are all vulnerable and susceptible to. If we socialize regularly with a person who behaves a certain way or has questionable character, for instance, we too risk being judged by others as being the same even if we are not.

      In your quest to find the right man for you, it is important to consider who you associate with, and when and where you do.

      As a simple example, say you have a girlfriend who is not interested in a serious relationship and prefers casual flings. When she’s out socialising she acts accordingly. Now let’s say you are looking for something more than just casual sex; a deeper, more meaningful relationship. If your friend is putting out the vibe of ‘pick me up and take me home’, guys will assume that you are only after the same thing she is, and you will attract that sort of guy.

      This is not to suggest that you can never hang out with a friend who is that way inclined. It’s just advisable to choose your company carefully given the situation. If you are socializing in an environment where you believe there is the possibility of meeting someone you may really like, then it is best to be surrounded by like-minded people so that there is little chance of confusion about your intentions.

      The same applies to anyone you know who has the tendency to become a little rude and obnoxious when they are intoxicated. Most of us have probably encountered a situation where a friend, associate or work colleague has had too much to drink (or can’t handle their liquor) and causes an embarrassing scene.

      A scenario like that is not one that will help you to attract and meet a quality man.

      Always strive to socialize with positive people as much as you can. An air of positivity emanating from happy and smiling people breeds the attraction vibe.

      Certain friends and acquaintances are fun for some occasions, but may not always be the right crowd to socialize with on other occasions. Ponder your circle of friends. If they are all good quality friends who genuinely have your best interests at heart, you will have nothing to worry about.

      However, if some are a tad selfish, prone to negativity, or exhibit undesirable behaviour in some way, you may want to reconsider just how much time you spend associating with people like that.

      Remember: It’s all about your attraction factor and how a possible partner is going to perceive you.

The above article is an excerpt from the author’s book “Turn Me On: How To Attract A Man” by Darren G. Burton. To view or purchase a copy, visit:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/1409221822/

      Some things to look out for and be mindful of when it comes to your view on relationships includes:

·      Do you stereotype men?

·      Do you believe relationships are doomed to eventually fail?

·      Do you sabotage your relationships?

·      Despite past disappointments, can you maintain an optimistic view of the future?

      We can all be guilty at times of stereotyping the opposite sex. Sometimes it’s just done in good humour, based rather loosely on some very general truths. Stereotyping in jest is pretty harmless fun. Serious stereotyping, however, is a more critical matter when it comes to relationships. It can distort one’s views on reality, and at times blind you to the reality of the person you are dating and what they are truly like.

      Try to avoid stereotyping; particularly of negative facets of a gender. No one likes to be presumed guilty before being proven innocent.

      Having preconceived, negative views on the future of your relationships is an unhealthy outlook. True, many relationships do fail. But many don’t. Take note of elderly couples as a prime example. The more deeply you know yourself and the better you know what you want will all go a long way in attracting the right man for you. And if you meet the right guy, there is no plausible reason why the relationship can’t grow into a long and fulfilling union.

      Some people have a habit of self-destructing. Consciously or subconsciously – and quite a common occurrence too, I discovered in the survey process for this book – many people have a tendency to sabotage their relationships, and therefore their happiness.

      Why do people do this?

·      An unfortunate bad habit

·      The past rearing its ugly head

·      A fear of happiness and fulfillment

·      A fear of being hurt

      Although all of the above are pertinent to this issue, the most common reason was a fear of being hurt. A need for one partner to sabotage the relationship and bring it to an end before the other partner could possibly do anything to hurt them. The timing of this relationship break down practice is interesting too. Usually the sabotaging takes place just at the moment the fearful partner is really starting to feel deep emotions for the other person. Self-preservation kicks in, driven by a deep-seated fear of being hurt and the vulnerability that goes with caring for someone beyond mere interest or infatuation.

      If you suffer from this affliction, it is something that seriously needs to be addressed if you are to hope for a happy and contented future. Seeking some professional counseling may be required.

      In the event that you have suffered hurt and pain in your relationship past, do you have the ability to maintain an optimistic outlook for your relationship future?

      Obviously it is important that you do. Gain confidence and reassurance from the fact that you have learned from your mistakes, you now know yourself better and have a firmer grasp on what you are looking for in a partner.

The above article is an excerpt from the author’s book “Turn Me On: How To Attract A Man” by Darren G. Burton. To view or purchase a copy, visit:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/1409221822/

Inner Beauty

I personally believe that this is, and should be, the most important component to being a beautiful woman.

      If you are truly beautiful on the inside, this will radiate from your every pore. Your external appearance will take a back seat over time as those around you become overwhelmed by the positive energies that come from within.

      I’m not for one minute suggesting that how you appear on the outside has no relevance to your overall attractiveness, but even the plainest of women will appear beautiful (at least to some) if they radiate genuine inner splendor.

      In your endeavour to attract men, this is why it is so vital that you strive to become the best person that you possibly can be.

      Work on being a wonderful person inside as well as maintaining your outer appearance and you will truly become a beautiful and complete package.

Outer Beauty

Outer beauty certainly does play its part in making a woman attractive to men, but as mentioned in the opening to this chapter, there is so much more to it than just being considered pretty.

      For starters, everyone has different tastes. What appeals to one man won’t necessarily translate into instant attraction to the same woman for another man.

      I’ve seen super models prancing along catwalks that I think are anything but beautiful. Yet another man will find that same woman very appealing. Obviously this is the case or the woman wouldn’t have made it as a model.

      Women’s appearances vary. Men’s opinions of women’s appearances vary. There are no hard and fast rules.

      The same goes for men too. I’ve personally had some women who have found me attractive, while many other women have had zero interest in me whatsoever.

      The point I am trying to make is: It doesn’t really matter how you appear as there will always be a man who finds you attractive. Of course, this is dependant on the fact that you exhibit attractive qualities in one form or another. Being the best person that you can be and maintaining your physical appearance as best you can will automatically make you attractive and add to your outer beauty.

The above article is an excerpt from the author’s book “Turn Me On: How To Attract A Man” by Darren G. Burton. To view or purchase a copy, visit:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/1409221822/

Every relationship needs quality time for the bond to remain close and to strengthen over time. Without quality time together a couple will gradually become distant and somewhat alienated from each other.

This section of the book is not just about spending quality time together. It’s also about quality time for him.

Give Him Space

Men need time out to themselves: Time to reflect on the day, a moment to ponder, a chance to wind down. How much time your man needs and how often depends on his personality and temperament, and the circumstances of his life.

Perhaps his job is very physically and/or mentally demanding and draining. If that’s the case, the very first thing he’ll probably need at the end of a work day is some quiet time to himself for twenty minutes or so. This certainly isn’t the right time of the day to hit him up with a problem, or to tell him what’s on your mind. Greet him when he gets home, then let him be for half an hour.

Men also like to have an area of the house that is exclusively their domain (like the shed or garage).

We men need space at times for a number of reasons:

·      To work out, in our own minds, a problem or an issue

·      To ponder how to make more money

·      To relax without anyone talking to us

·      Unwind without any external stimuli (i.e. other people around, TV, music)

·      Time out for hobbies and recreational pursuits

·      Time to do guy stuff

Everyone needs time out to themselves, but men do especially. We are by nature more aggressive creatures and that all important chill out time allows us to unwind and prevents us from becoming agitated.

Make Time For Him

The modern world is often a busy and hectic one. Between work, chores, the children’s needs, family and friends, there is often not much time left in the day. Next thing you know it’s bed time, then the routine starts all over again from the moment you open your eyes in the morning.

It is very easy for a week or two to slip by in the blink of an eye and suddenly realise you’ve hardly spent any quality time with the man in your life.

In the previous topic we mentioned that your partner will need some quiet time to himself every so often. Help him to have that time, those moments of peace and serenity. Don’t try to fill every waking moment of his day with things to do.

Likewise, in order to refresh your own mind and keep your sanity, you also need to allocate some quiet time alone for yourself as well. We all need this, at least in small doses.

Most of all though, make certain the two of you get some quality alone time together. Even if you can’t be spontaneous about it and have to plan it, set aside a block of time at least once a week that is just for the two of you.

Which leads us onto the next topic.

Alone Time – Together

Having alone time together means exactly that: Alone. It doesn’t involve socialising with friends, going to a family gathering, or spending time together in a crowded shopping mall. Although these things may be time out from work and chores and you are technically ‘together’, they defeat the purpose of this much required element of your relationship.

If it has to be planned or scheduled because of the constraints of everyday life then by all means plan it. If it can be spontaneous then all the better.

Spontaneity adds a touch of excitement to your time together. When something is totally unplanned and adlib things tend to be more of a surprise and therefore much more fun and interesting. Also, the moment flows naturally and nothing feels forced like can happen in some predetermined situations.

Don’t always wait for your partner to organise some togetherness time. Planning something for him and yourself is fine, especially if he doesn’t know about it and it’s all a surprise.

Whatever you do together doesn’t have to cost money either, or at least be relatively inexpensive.

Sharing a few glasses of good wine in the quiet hours of the night is a common and pleasant way to unwind together. The drop of alcohol also lends itself to freeing up the pair of you so that the moment and ensuing conversation flows in a relaxed manner.

Casually walking arm in arm on the beach or by the banks of a river or stream is great. It costs nothing to do and the presence and sound of water always has a calming influence.

A simple picnic on in a quiet area during a pleasant country drive is another good option. It gets you both out of the house and the routine. You add that little bit of adventure to the outing by not planning exactly where you are going to drive to, or where you are going to stop. A picnic also affords the opportunity to indulge in some relaxed and quality conversation. Who knows? You may even get intimate?

It doesn’t really matter what you do so long as the time spent together in these special moments isn’t interrupted or interspersed with the routines of your everyday lives.

The above article is an excerpt from the author’s book “How To Keep Your Man: And Keep Him For Good” by Darren G. Burton. To view or purchase a copy, visit:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/1409203786

      We are all probably guilty of this. Male or female, we all, at least on occasion, fall into the trap of taking our partner for granted.

      Do you ever feel like this with your guy?

      Stop and think for a moment. Does your mind ever harbour any of these thoughts?

·           He’ll always be there

·           We’ll have sex another time

·           I don’t need to tell him I love him, he knows I do

·           He should buy me dinner, he’s a man

·           He knows I appreciate him

·           It’s his job to do that

·           I don’t have time to talk about this now

      These types of thoughts, and they creep insidiously into all of our minds from time to time, are signs of taking someone for granted.

      Remaining diligent in your relationship – being conscious of showing genuine appreciation, respect and gratitude – takes effort. And that’s the answer right there. We get complacent, we take our partner for granted, we take our relationships for granted, because the alternative takes effort!

      Think back to when you first met your partner; the excitement you felt, the thrill of the blossoming romance. Chances are you were constantly making a conscious effort to put your best foot forward, to please him as much as possible, thanking him for every little thing he did with warm hugs and passionate kisses.

      Why should this change?

      The only reason it changes is that, over time, we start to slacken off in our efforts. We have our partner now. It takes energy and effort to maintain that level of intense interaction and eagerness to please.

      How do you know he’ll always be there? We never know how much time we have. Live for the now. Enjoy the moment. Don’t put off for tomorrow what you can do today.

      It would be naive and somewhat unrealistic to suggest that any couple can maintain the level of passion and intensity first experienced at the start of, and during the early stages of the relationship. But we can make an effort in some way, every day, to keep the passion alive and eradicate boring routine.

      Try and think of at least one thing you can do every single day to show your man that you love him and appreciate him. This will have a very positive affect on him. Positive actions produce positive reactions. Chances are, he’ll start doing the same in return.

The above article is an excerpt from the author’s book “How To Keep Your Man: And Keep Him For Good” by Darren G. Burton. To view or purchase a copy, visit:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/1409203786/